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January 26, 2003
Actually.
Actually, I've spent my 18th birthday
sitting at home alone,
watching part of the Super Bowl,
not laughing at the lame commercials,
and sitting at the computer feeling pretty lonely.
Where's the part where my friends pop out and yell
"Surprise!"
and
a stripper
in a cop
costume
pops out of a
cake and
lets me
handcuff
him?
Dammit.
It's MY cotdamned party
Well, my birthday's just about an hour through, and it's already the best one ever.
<3 I love my poopybear :*)!! <3
Okay.. so I'm 18 now.....
So what do I do now?
January 21, 2003
Ew. Ew. Ew.
Ew. Ew. Ew.
Ew. Ew.
Ew.
Upon looking into my refrigerator for a thick, fattening, oily snack of some sort, I decided on peanut butter on toast.
"No salt or sugar added!" screamed the yellow Peter Pan peanut butter jar. "VERY LOW SODIUM!"
Mmmm.. Healthy, I thought.
After I slowly and sensuously spread the creamy butter on my hot, toasty.. toast,
I licked the extra peanut butter off of the knife and...
AGHKCKKKK!!!!
SUGAR/SODIUM FREE PEANUT BUTTER IS LIKE LICKING A SOILED DIAPER!!!!!!
A. SOILED. DIAPER.
Soiled.
Diaper.
(Poop.)
Ew.
Yeah, I know what YOUR secret ingredient is, Peter!
(Poop.)
Ew.
[Note: This post may be the most retarded one I've ever done. Ever.]
January 18, 2003
Noodlemania Time!!!
Aw man.
I'm so, so, SO hardcore Japanese noodle.
I just made my mom and myself some traditional Japanese style noodles,
some julienned spring onion,
with julienned red pepper,
a touch of poached egg,
hot chickeny soup,
and NOODLES!!
MMMMph!
And, we ate it together in front of the TV,
while watching a Japanese comedy about...
............
.... JAPANESE-STYLE NOODLES!!!!
:D Mmmmmmmmmm!
Awwwwwjea, I'm so fucking hardcore noodley!
Pineapple Time!!!
I HAVE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER!!!!!!
Her name is Phyllis.
I LOVE YOU PHYLLIS!!!!!!!!!
:*)
Happy 8th month Anniversary, A&P!!!!! <3
:*) I love you!!
I LOVE EVERYONE!
(Even stinkyhead Yasmeen!)
WHEEE!
P.S. Jakeypoo is back!!!
January 17, 2003
ACK! A BUG JUST FLEW IN MY EYE I THINK!
Okay, on with the post.
Find Adam a Girlfriend!!!!
Adopt-A-Highway.
Save the Whales.
Blah blah blah.
Let's Find Adam a Girlfriend!
In Spanish class today, Laurie found a note on my desk that was so, so, so very pathetic and awfully sad.
It said,
"I wish that some girl liked me because of who I am. But I am too small and unpop-ular and I
- Adam"
AWWWWW!!!! POOR ADAM!!!!
Don't worry, Adam, whoever you are.. we'll find you a girlfriend!
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
If you are about 4 to 5 feet in height, and interested in helping a small, unpopular freshman boy, who is most likely very whiny, clingy, and desperate, help this kid out!
I'm photocopying this note and posting this bad boy all over the school FOR HIS OWN GOOD.
Oh Adam, you fag.
You can thank me later.
:*)
January 7, 2003
Drugs are bad.
Today, we had a 90 minute assembly in which four convicts came from the county prison.
It was a good presentation, for a
"Drugs-are-bad-don't-mess-up-like-I-did-I-never-wanted-to-grow-up-to-be-a-junkie-I-wanted-to-be-a-lawyer-I-never-thought-it-would-happen-to-me" presentation.
The first guy, Martin, (who according to Anil, looked like Sinbad [he really did]), was arrested for armed robbery and was facing 10 years in prison. He told us about how he got into drugs and had two near-death experiences.
In one, his car window was shot out in a gang war.
In the other, while he was getting high on the roof of his middle school, he fell through the skylight, plunged 32 feet, broke his leg and back, and dropped a shit in his pants.
The second guy, Brian, who was also heavily involved in drugs, watched a friend of his beat up and rob another dude, and just for watching, got 10 years!
Messed up.
The last two, LaNelle and Alicia both had similar stories.. Alcohol, pot, cocaine, then heroin.. the former got 7 years, the latter got 18 years!
Eighteen years!
Wow.
Nice job being an idiot, idiots.
At the end of the assembly, our mildly-retarded Principal (whose initials, incidentally, spell the word "JAM"), who is supposedly a raving alcoholic, stood up, thanked the four inmates for coming, and addressed the student audience.
Here he is:
He said something to the effect of:
"The important thing here is to listen to your parents.
These people up here are GARBAGE.
I do not want any of you to become like these people.
They are not even worth 37 cents.
Now return to your classes."
Garbage?!?!
I mean, convicts, yes, but garbage? C'mon now.
I thought that was pretty malicious to say, not to mention stupid.
I mean, how would he feel if he were in their shoes?
I don't know.
Like I said before, it was a pretty stupid thing to say.
Those convicts must have felt pretty shitty.
Also, they are probably going to call up their homies and boyz and homefries and mothers and get them to blow up the JAMster's house or something. *
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