The only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[The Dismemberment Plan]

[Happy cam]
(mouse-over)

I hate balloons.

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:24 PM

October 27, 2002  

Fotty Potty

Hello.

Yesterday, two smiling men approached me at work as I was kneeling in front of a shelf, fixing the arrangement of Gold Bond Powder, and as I turned around to address them, I found that my face was extremely, extremely crotch-level.
What made the situation worse was when I looked up at this man's lower body, embellished with a large, shiny belt buckle, he did somewhat of an involuntary hip thrust at my face.

Very unnerving.

Then one of them said, "Can ya help us out with somethin?" in a distinct Ricky Ricardo (I Love Lucy style) Cuban accent.

"Oh God," I thought in disgust, expecting some kind of lewd comment. "It's one of those."

But no, it turned out to be quite an entertaining situation, as they needed makeup for a "party" (re: transvestite reunion party, perhaps).

So, yes.
Yesterday, at CVS, I sold two men some red lipstick, foundation, eyeshadow, and eyeliner.

When they got on line to pay for everything, I went back to my endless rows of Gold Bond, but they came back for help looking for pantyhose.
I, of course, suggested the fishnet variety, but they didn't want their leg hair poking out.
So we went with semi-sheer, tummy-tucking support hose.

I realized that "Patty" (my godawful nickname) said in a wonderful Ricky Ricardo accent sounds much like "Potty."

And I think I'd rather be called Potty than Patty.
I hate "Patty."

Also, I really wish my stupid assfag manager would stop following me around, making Kung-Fu noises, calling me "Kaity Tong" and "Connie Chung" or whatever those stupid asian reporters' names are, and forcing me to have sex with him in his office.

(I was just kidding about the last one.)

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:09 AM

October 23, 2002   MY BLOG IS BROKEN!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
IT IS VERY VERY BROKEN!!!!

ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCKERS!!!! !HAAHAHAH@HA@H!h!HAH!HA!HA!HA!H!AH!

ALSO, I AM NOT GETTING INTO COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patreesha the banana danced at 6:52 PM

October 22, 2002  

College Applications Suck

Applying for college is perhaps one of the most stressful things I've had to experience, ever.

Not only do I have to churn out essays, fill out pages and pages of paperwork, beg my teachers for recommendation, stab myself in the eye repeatedly with a Bic pen, all in addition to loads of schoolwork, the application process is making me despise my dad more and more.

Here's a little conversation we had today.

: I don't want you to put down "Psychology" as your major. I don't like it, and I don't understand why you want to do it.

: It's what I want to study.

: I don't think it's the right major to put down if you want to study law.

: I don't want to go into law. I want to do Psychology.

: No, you want to do law. Maybe if you wanted to become a doctor, you could take a course in Psychology..

: I'm not going to be a doctor.

: That's right, you're going to be a lawyer.

: NO!

: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah..

[continues "blah-blah"'ing for 15 minutes or so]

: FINE! PUT DOWN WHATEVER YOU WANT TO MAJOR IN. I DON'T CARE.

[dad leaves room]

An hour goes by..

[dad knocks on door]: ::knock-knock::

: What about Political Science--

: RAWRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

In conclusion,
RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!


By the way, if anyone is interested in reading my college essays, email/IM me.. Suggestions are always graciously accepted.

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:45 PM

October 20, 2002  

It's a Vicious, Vicious Cycle.

Epiphany #1:

I've just made an observation:

Computer gives me headaches.
Not eating sugar gives me headaches.
Being awake gives me headaches.

Being on the computer makes me sleepy.
Eating sugar makes me sleepy.
Being awake makes me sleepy.

Therefore, I sleep.
A lot.
And have headaches.
A lot.
And I dont get any work done either way.

Logistically and mathematically speaking, I am therefore able to conclude that I will ultimately become a non-working bum on the streets, sleeping on a park bench under a discarded newspaper.


Epiphany #2:

My favorite video games entail lots of punching, kicking, fighting, head-ripping, and bloodshed.
The sole reason for this is that you can win by just smashing all of the buttons at one time with your thumbs in rapid succession.
I win, Twiddlethumbs!


Epiphany #3:

Also, in conclusion, my mom just ate all of my M&M's.
...

REVENGE WILL BE MINE!!!!!!!

Patreesha the banana danced at 1:41 PM

 

Cheap Entertainment: Children

Kids sure are fun.

No, none of that creepy, pedophiliac, exhibitionistic Anne Geddes shit like this:



These creepy pictures of children in vegetable/fruit costumes are just really too strange for me.

But stuff like this is pretty amusing.









Well fine.
This one is kinda cute.
Damn you Anne Geddes!
Your pictures of robotchildren in costumes have gotten to my soft side, too!



Aww.. naked child on a pumpkin...

Who wants to come Trick or Treating with me?

Patreesha the banana danced at 1:07 PM

October 19, 2002  

Yup

Homecoming was a bucketload of fun.
Cold, 30 degrees, rainy fun.

Ali/Allie/Ally/Aly/Alie/Alli Asher was Homecoming Queen, which means that the Asher-Family Homecoming Queen Legacy has successfully continued on in our school's history, and all is right with the world.

Anthony and I left a little after halftime, and our team was losing 21-0.
As he told me earlier today, it's not because our team is predominantly white that our football team does so badly, it's because the players are all white pussies.

The best quip today was from Eli, the marching band's tuba player supreme:
"If you guys don't win, I'm going to kill everybody."

Patreesha the banana danced at 7:33 AM

October 18, 2002  

The Hives

This post is not about the band, "the Hives."

No, no, no.

Here I am, sitting here in front of the computer the night before the Homecoming Parade, and I, my friends, am a nervous wreck, on the verge of breaking into hives.

The day did not begin as a total loss.

First period, our whole senior class went outside, and our collective picture was taken from the rooftop of the school.
It was a fun time, with someone shouting "There's a sniper on the roof! Run!" (definitely not so funny, I suppose) every once in a while, and Augee decided to wear nothing but pants and a pair of suspenders. It was sad, in a way, because though it's only October, it feels like one of the few times that our whole class will be together before we graduate.

Also, Anthony surprised me with one of the most amazing presents I have ever received.
He got me Pedro the Lion's "Progress," which, of course, includes a little book called "A Guitar for Janie."
It contains two of my favorite Pedro songs ever.. <3!

Anyway, later on, I went to the mall with Anthony to find an outfit for the parade.
I arrived at his house at around 6:15, and as we left, I stepped off the front step onto the lawn sprinkler, twisted my ankle, and fell on my bon-bon.
(Yes, my bon-bon.)
In front of his parents.
Every time I see his parents, it seems that I keep losing more and more points by embarassing myself in front of them at every opportunity.

My mom warned me that if I did not let her come along, I would end up just roaming the mall with Anthony and not buying anything.

And roam indeed we did. For hours and hours. I had told myself at one point during this afternoon that I wouldn't eat anything until tomorrow's breakfast at the diner, but after I "tipped over" (according to Anthony), we went to get something to eat at Wendy's..

I also saw Dym, who I'd just recently made up with after a brief interlude of awkwardness and avoiding each other. And somehow, I feel that all of our reparations have been tossed to the winds once more, and we're back to where we were last week.
Great.
Fan-fucking-tastic.

Well, 9:30pm rolled around, and the mall stores were rolling down their metal doors, and I had purchased nothing but conditioner and pantyhose at CVS.

When I got home at around 10:30, after my dad had left me several voicemail messages screaming at me to come home and finish my college applications, he had already departed for work, and my brother came in shortly after.
He asked me,
"Guess what I saw coming home today on Route 18?"
"What?" I inquired.
"A dead person."

He proceeded to tell me about how he first saw a person's hat, then a shoe, and then a body curled up into a fetal postition in the street. He rolled down the window, and heard someone say, "I've never killed a person before!!" and knew then for certain that the boy was dead.

It is the night before Homecoming, and I have no clothes to wear for the parade.
But at least I have pantyhose.

What a wonderful day.

Patreesha the banana danced at 11:17 PM

October 15, 2002  

Play us a song, you're the harmonica man..

Today, I went on an art excursion to downtown Freehold.
The storefronts there consist of mostly large windows, and we were to paint them for Halloween.
Josh, our mop-haired champion basketweaver, sat next to me on the bus, his charcoal gray peacoat reeking of pot and sweat, and played a little tune on the harmonica (hence, the title of this post today).
I was partnered up with Nandita and Nadia, and we did a pretty bangup job.
Being the huge, excruciatingly stringent perfectionist that I am, this means that I turned into a huge, bossy bitch and ordered them around all day.

It's true that if you want a job done well, you have to do it yourself.

Many times, I wanted to grab their poorly utilized paintbrushes, shove both of them into the street into the path of oncoming traffic, and remix the paint into colors that I felt was satisfactory, wash the windows clean, and start all over from scratch.
Many, many a time.

I don't deal well with working in groups.

Every time they looked at me with those big, questioning eyes, pleading, "What should I do now? Should I color the pumpkin red? Should I make the bats green? Is this color okay? Are you sure? Are you absolutely positively sure?" it drove me absolutely insane, and I felt that it would be easier for me to do the whole damn thing myself than to have to explain to them what I thought would be a good idea, what colors I thought would be a good combination, which brush I thought they should use, how I thought they should apply the paint........
.......but of course, to get into the "group" spirit of things, I indeed had to do all of that.

And I still wasn't happy with what they did. Because I'm a huge perfectionist, and an enormous bitch.

In the end though, I had to overlook everything: the peeling paint, the loose bristles mixed into the paint, the excessive highlighting, the crosshatched brushstrokes (I hate crosshatched brushstrokes!!), the unmatching colors.... it was a great, wonderful, fun-filled extravaganza.

We got free pizza at the end.

So it was alright, I guess.

Patreesha the banana danced at 7:39 PM

October 14, 2002  

Channel 7 News

My brother was on the Channel 7 News!

The reporter was on Rutgers campus talking about the merger with NJIT, and my brother did a great bunny hop behind him across the screen...

Hahahahahhaaha!!!!!

Oh man, if you didn't see it, you missed out, man..

Yay! Our family's first celebrity! :D

Patreesha the banana danced at 5:13 PM

October 13, 2002  

Easy Like Sunday Morning

No, my life is not one elongated Mr. Bungle song.
But one can always dream.

Waking up on a Sunday morning is hard enough, even though I went to sleep at around 11pm, intending to wake up after a short nap. I ended up waking up at 8:00am, immediately fell back asleep, then woke up at 9:00 when my mom decided to start vacuuming and starting a ruckus, and then again at 10:30 when I finally gave up and realized that a nap does not entail an excess of 11 hours of sleep.
So I woke up.

I started eating my bowl of Kashi Nasty Fiber Twigs (plus raisins!) Cereal and flipped through the paper.
And it was then that I realized something was completely awry.
There was no Comics section.

No Sunday morning is complete without 6 doublesided pages of brightly colored comics.

The weekly circular advertising the 2-day sale at Rag Shop did nothing to satiate this requirement.

But that is what I read while I sat there, eating my disgusting Kashi Fiber Twigs in a pool of soy milk.

I feel cheated.

Patreesha the banana danced at 1:15 PM

October 9, 2002  

Looby

Aww.. look at the buddy icon Looby made!





It's based on one of my favorite songs of all time, "Jolene," by Spring Heeled Jack.
The whole song is about their tour bus, which was named Jolene. And it's a really good song. :D

P.S. ... Dym, stop being mad at me and hang out with me!!!!! :(

Patreesha the banana danced at 6:47 PM

October 8, 2002  

Suckas

I've decided that making a few "oops!"'s on my college applications aren't going to hurt anyone.
For example, I think I'm going to indicate that I am either a Hawaiian (Polynesian) or an Eskimo.

I mean, who would know!?

Think I can pass for either of these?





Who would know!?!

There's too many "regular" asians applying to college.. they need a few Polynesians and Eskimos to mix it up a bit..

And who would know?

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:43 PM

October 6, 2002  

Wocka Wocka

My computer still has a virus.
It really sucks.

I made waffles.
They really sucked.

I have SAT II's this coming weekend.
They're going to suck.

The verb "suck" used in the present, past, and future tenses.

I really have to get out more.

Patreesha the banana danced at 12:05 PM

October 1, 2002  

!!!!Yo Soy La Reina!!!!

Hi!
Guess who made Homecoming Court?
Yay!
I get to ride in a convertible around our football field in our parade, along with 6 other fine, fine ladies in 6 other fine, fine convertibles.
:D

Interesting quip from Anthony today after avoiding a squirrel in the road:
"The squirrels in this area are carrying themselves in a most undistinguished manner!"

Jeez, WHO TALKS LIKE THAT??!!?

<3

Patreesha the banana danced at 11:32 PM