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August 26, 2002
Enema Bags and Poopy Pants Galore
Hi. I know I'm supposed to be gone, working on a new layout and whatnot, but it's just not done yet.
And Yasmeen wanted an update, so here's a little one..
The true joy of working at the little pharmacy you and I know as CVS became much more apparent yesterday.
Not only was I in charge of stocking laundry detergent on the top shelf, cleaning the shelves, readjusting the shelves, and a lot more stupid things that involve shelves, I was greeted by a few interesting customers..
Customer #1: The Douche Bag
It was about 6:00 when this lady with crazy eyes approached me, hair in her face and wearing a fanny pack. With a completely straight face, she asks me,
"Can you tell me where the hell I can find your travel sized douche bags? I KNOW I've bought them here before, and I can't find them." I had to show her to the aisle with KY Jelly and boxes of Massengil, but we indeed couldn't find "travel size" douche bags. I tried to hide my shocked and appalled face, and dammit, I did one hell of a good job.
So then she says, "Okay, I need travel enema bags, too." Ugh.
We couldn't find any TRAVEL SIZE enema bags. So we found her a nice reusable.. anal syringe...
I almost died...
Customer #2: Old Man Glitter
An old man approached me looking for a birthday card for an "older man friend." He was looking in the section for "Secretary Day" and Bar Mitzvah cards..
So I showed him the birthday section.. and he kept picking out little glittery ones with puppies and kittens on them.... and he kept asking me if I thought it was a good choice.. Uhh....
And then he looked in the section where it has birthdays by age, like 10, 20, 30, 40, and so on.. he told me he was looking for something for someone turning 77..
I replied, "Uh, I'm pretty sure they don't have 77 specifically, you're probably better off in the section right behind you.." and I tried to point it out to him.
But he wouldn't turn around! He kept looking for a "Happy 77th Birthday" card that I knew for a fact didn't exist in the glittery puppy and kitty section... so I thought, screw him, whatever.
About a good hour after stocking some more laundry detergent and fixing shelves, I went on break, and I saw the old man.. He was still there! LOOKING IN THE SAME WRONG SECTION! AUGHHH!!!!
He showed me another glittery card with a cat driving a motorcycle and asked me if the cat and the motorcycle were too symbolic of something.
I almost killed him with my bare hands.
Customer #3: Old Miss Poopy Pants
A tiny, hunchbacked, wrinkly bag of flesh approached me, tugging at my fashionable (HAH!) red vest uniform-thing with her spindly, bony, spotted hands, asking me to help her find thumbtacks.. so I got it for her, and were starting the search for "Hi, we've moved to a new house" cards, when suddenly,
BAM!!!
Suddenly, the air was filled with the smell of.... shit.
At first I thought that she'd had a little accident and had let a little old woman-fart slip out, but no, OH no, no sirree-bob, she had dropped a bona fide deuce in her pants. Trying to stop myself from gagging, I told her, No, senorah, we dun have no steeenking ca-ards, and set her off on her merry way.. waddling to the cash register..
Help me..
And then we had to vaccuum the floor before we closed the store... I got home and told my mom, and she was like, "Aww, you don't even do that at home.. you poor thing.."
And she's right. I don't vaccuum at home. It's not like I'm spoiled and make my mom do it or anything. Hell, she's lazy, too. We just live in filth. It's a good life..
I might be going to Starbucks on Tuesday after work.. I've been practicing placing my order because I'm a huge loser and don't want to bumble and sputter at the counter, clueless as to what I want to get while the cashier rolls her eyes and sighs in disgust.
"Chocolate brownie frappuccino."
There we go.
Yes. I'm a huge loser. It's okay, I've come to terms with myself.
August 11, 2002
Hi. This site is deteriorating. My free host conked out on me, and I have neither the time nor the patience to upload everything onto some other server and relink everything. So for now, just bask in the world of little red X'es and no pictures.
I also just finished setting up this site for an awesome band:
Third Wheel
Also, if anyone can host me, please please please with sugar on top, PLEASE let me know.
I'm poor.
Well, it's goodbye for now, kids.
:(
Oh shit, is everything working now? Uh....... the plea for a host still continues, though.
PLEEEEEASEEE!!!! :D
August 9, 2002
What in the hell?
Yeah, the Flooble Box is gone, as is the comments section.
Hopefully a new layout will be up before the end of summer.
Some things that have been keeping me busy these last few days:
[x] Mario Twins flash movie!
This is the cutest thing ever, and where I got the "shiggity shiggity shwa" title from. Definitely check it out.
[x] Dance Dance Karnov!
Some big fat guy Karnov plays Dance Dance Revolution to save the world from "Big Green Fish Guy with Hand and Bag Down His Pants"...
If you're lucky enough to get to Level 2, you get to see his boobie tassels and watch him pole dance!!
(You're best off setting it on low quality though, or the timing is all messed up.)
Yes, if you haven't noticed, my summer has been filled with dumb flash animations and games.
Only one month of summer left, and I feel like a jackass slacker.
Sigh..
August 6, 2002
Shiggity shiggity shwa.
I hate to do this, but I'm going to have to briefly post about Varun.
I know that stuff about death is pretty awkward, especially for you readers who never knew who this guy was in the first place..
I'm sorry.
Varun once got suspended for punching a kid in our school who had leukemia.
BUT IF THIS IS THE WORLD'S IDEA OF A KARMA PAYBACK,
THIS IS A BIT EXCESSIVE, DON'T YOU THINK!?!
Fucking shit. Goddammit.
Varun, I'm going to miss poking you on the bus. ):
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