The only thing worse
than bad memories
is no memories at all..
[The Dismemberment Plan]

[Happy cam]
(mouse-over)

Y'know who I miss.....?

Patreesha the banana danced at 8:10 PM

May 29, 2002  

The Ride Home..

Today was a good, good day.

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:52 PM

May 27, 2002   By the way, no more yellow!
What do you think of the blue?

Zach makes me laugh:

"Boxing promoter Don King described himself as 'outrighteously mesmerated' by a deli sandwich... 'the meatumental pastramification of this pumpernickelously toastified bread was augmenticized by slatherfication in sumptuous switzerlander cheesiness' raved king following the meal, 'and expertaciously mayonnaised by a condimental Hellmanisfestation of sand-wich-Kraft-Miracle-Whiplash proportions that thrillified me down to my delicatesticles'....'undulatronic spamboozled donkey Kongratulations. Gumpzilla.'"

=D

P.S. Hi Rob Weyman!

Update:
Hoo boy! I added some other stuff, like the little flooble thang which you can sign on the left..
Also.. try putting your mouse over the picture.. Hee!
Update, the sequel: New header image, NES style.. =)
Czech out my english project, while you're at it...

G'night!

Patreesha the banana danced at 4:02 PM

May 26, 2002  

Whoever thought of the song "This is the song that never ends" should be shot and gutted.

I love diner food but hate parental confrontation.
Go figure.

Prom was muy excellente.
Weiner is THE dance machine. That big lug.. 267 pounds of pure dancing frenzy.
I actually guessed his weight at his request on the limo ride home.

Oh.. the limo ride... What a miserable time that was.

Okay, picture this:
On the way there, there were 11 kids, half in high heels, squeezed into a 10-seat limo.
At least three of these kids are grotesquely large.
Creed is blasting throughout the 40 minute ride, but none of us can complain because it's Mike's cd, and it's also Mike's limo that we're sharing.
Anyway, the ride there wasn't too bad at all, except for my "date" talking more to the funny looking sunburned girl next to him than me.
But it was okay.

The limo ride home..
A word of advice.. Before you choose to embark upon any kind of road trip over a prolonged period of time exceeding 15 minutes, please make sure that all other parties involved are not people whom you will try to stab in the eyeball with a ballpoint pen. That was my case. I sat between Bread and The Big Chick.

Bread has a strange infliction in which he is retarded and must giggle like a giddy school girl every FIVE minutes. Literally, every five minutes. I was contemplating suicide much of the way home. He also has a disease called, "Faggot Disease," in which he likes to cock (hee! Pun not intended) his head over to one side, plop in on your shoulder, and make weird noises, like "Aww" or purring, mewling sounds. I just wanted to bat him in the head with a... bat.
I didn't really mind The Big Chick too much, maybe because I feared her for her capacity to inflict injury upon me at will. But after the prom, we had to take two more people home than we'd originally come with. So in a 10-seat limo, we had 13 people, now with at least 4 people being grotesquely large and immense. And I was squished between two of them. Fun times.
The Big Chick actually turned out to be the worst of them, the kind who likes to suddenly decide that singing "This is the song that never ends" is a good idea.
In fact, she thought it was such a good idea, that she also broke out into "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves," and oh, she did get on my nerves alright.
Oh yes.

It was alright though. I didn't have any huge accidents in which I fell on my face with my dress flopped over my head so people could see my pink Barbie underwear or anything..
My mom took some pictures with my webcam thing before the prom in front of Mike's house, where the limo was. Unfortunately, since we are a family of clods, she managed to cut off our heads in every single picture.
Sigh.

In other news, I had a great weekend. How was yours?

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:35 PM

May 22, 2002  

Friday! FRIDAY! FRIDAY!!

Yeap. On Friday, I'm going to the prom with..

WEINER!!!!!!!!
Yes, his name is actually Evan WEINER. Hee!

I'm getting weinered on prom night..

LITERALLY!

Or, as Anthony said, I'm gonna get my weiner on....

...

Eww.

HA! Pictures soon, hopefully! =)

Patreesha the banana danced at 7:22 PM

May 19, 2002  

Please hit me with a brick

Someone, please tell me why this clown, of all people, is going to be launched into space..
For those of you who have been living in a cave, that is Lance Bass of "boy band" N'SYNC.

According to CNN.com, "If Bass passes the battery of tests and qualifies as physically fit for the space shot, he will begin a rigorous training program for a launch this fall from the Baikonur space center in Kazakhstan.
[x] read more.. (but why?)

I mean, look at this character..



I know for a fact that every single one of you reading this has had someone who looks exactly like that in one of your classes, whose face you've just wanted to punch. I know it.

Well, hopefully this launching into space will be more note-worthy than the movie, "On the Line," starring both Lance Bass as well as fellow N'SYNC member Joey Fatone.. I don't know if it was released yet, or if it ever will be... but here's a scene from it!



Shady, shady characters, those two.

Speaking of Joey Fatone, what a waste of a completely stereotypically mob-like Italian name!!

Let's take a closer look at this Joey Fatone:



Why waste your time in a boy band??
You should be out killing people and racketeering and loan sharking people and participating in other stereotypically-mafia/mob related activities!
Tsk tsk.. it's a shame, I tell you..


Hehe.. in other news, I saw Star Wars and About a Boy this week...... with somebody.... heeehe..
(A BOY!!) Hee!!

Ahem. Sorry. =)
My brief synopsis:
You can throw all the rotten tomatoes you want at me, but I have to say, I thought About a Boy was actually.. better than Star Wars..
::duck and cover::

But Yoda still rocked the shit out of the movie..
I think the light saber (sabre? I don't know.) fighting scene where Yoda tore it up was the one redeeming factor of the whole movie..

Uh oh.. Did I just give something away for all of you people who haven't seen it yet?

::duck and cover::

On a totally unrelated tangent, my favorite euphemism for "I have to take a shit" is:
"It's time to drop off the Cosby kids at swim practice."

HAHA!

Patreesha the banana danced at 1:25 AM

May 15, 2002  

A Saturday Visit From Jesus

Ah yes.
Saturday.
Saturday was a day in which my disgust towards religion grew even more, which I did not think was possible.

My mom still goes to a certain church which I will refer to as the "Shithole."
Anyway, she had to drop off a birthday cake there this past Saturday, and I was going along for the ride.. and she needed help..
So, I got out of the car and was carrying in this huge cake, when the "Pastor" (read: Head Shitface) looked up from the ping pong game he was playing in the front lobby.

"Ah! Pa-tree-sha! Let me talk to you."
He took my elbow and forcefully herded me into the "Fellowship Hall" (read: dirty, dim place with rusty folding chairs) and proceeded to try to entice me into returning to the Shithole.
I avoided eye contact and gave him my most passive, apathetic attitude possible as he asked me if I had gotten his calls, as well as Kathy's (the disgruntled, pimplyfaced college student who doubles as the bible study teacher) phone calls.

I had received all 13 of his calls. I told him that I hadn't.

On a quick sidenote, I am not a fan of Kathy. She is one of those shiny, red faced Jesus lovers. I'll bet her room is covered with fucking Jesus Fish stickers. Every Sunday, when I used to go to the Shithole (heavy emphasis on the "used to" part), she was the one who'd jump around when the "Praise Team" (read: fat kids on guitar and drums) would play, the one who would start screaming and clapping her hands and crying and sobbing hysterically whenever she "talked to Jesus through prayer."
Some people just don't deserve to be alive.

Anyway, I was sick of the "Pastor"'s babbling.
"I'm going to wait in the car. Asshole" (Note: "Asshole" was not actually said. I'm a chicken..), I threw over my shoulder.
I climbed back into my mom's old green shacky minivan, which had Handel's "Messiah" blasting on cassette, incidentally.

I was just chilling, waiting for my stupid mom to stop talking to the rest of the retards in the Shithole, when I heard a really annoying, persistent KNOCKKNOCKKNOCK on the glass. I turned around in the passenger seat, and it was the fucking PASTOR.

"This is Jesus knocking! He is right HERE! Pa-tree-sha! Open the door! Come to Jesus! Let him in! The wave of cleansing is HERE! Jesus is HERE!" he screamed.

I turned the other way and felt incredibly, incredibly glad that I had locked the door. Fucking idiot.
And if that wasn't enough, he started to try to TIP the fucking minivan OVER to get me to turn around and listen to him. I'm fucking serious!
He was rocking the fucking thing, saying, "Look at me! Listen to Pastor! Look at Pastor!"
.... Yes. He refers to himself in third person.

I was at this point, admittedly pretty freaked out and pretty fucking angry. Why the fuck would you rock someone's minivan??
I was really tempted to plant my fist in his goddamned teeth or to honk the horn to get my mom the hell out of the Shithole so we could get the fuck away from these crazies.

But suddenly, the knocking and the rocking and the screaming stopped.

I turned around and saw my mom coming out from the Shithole.
I looked around some more and saw that the "Pastor" had run away after spotting Mom.
Asshole.

Sigh..

Maybe it's only like this in New Jersey.

My thoughts on you overly religious fuckheads:

Patreesha the banana danced at 8:40 PM

May 14, 2002   I got my piece of Fartwork back from Mr. Wiegand..
The art department was cool enough to frame it! Wee!



Pretty, no? =) Pencil and charcoal goodness, mang...
Though the picture did come out pretty crooked... ah..

What's with everyone leaving the internet?!?!
Jakeypoo??? Jodee?? Bertie?!?!?!

What the fuck is going on!!?
::sniffle:: =*( I'll miss y'all.....

<3

Patreesha the banana danced at 12:13 AM

May 13, 2002   Aw man..

Happy late Mom's Day to all of you.. uhh.. moms reading this..?
Man, that's a creepy thought.
Give your mumsies a big hugandkiss, chicos!!

Hehe.. I still regret giving my mom an electric can opener about 5 years ago..
Mostly because she never stops reminding me of it.

Yesterday I worked my butt of since 6:30am.. slaving over a hot stove.. and a hot waffle iron...
After churning out breakfast and lunch, I was exhausted.. and fell asleep at about 3 in the afternoon.. Then I woke up at 2am this morning and have been up since..!
Boy, is it odd.. My circadian rhythm is all out of whack now.

A flash game I came across this week: Hunter, watch your back!
Czech it out..... and turn your speakers on a bit... Hehe.. It's funny... and.. disturbing...
The French are some weirdass people.
While I'm plugging sites, here's Kevano's: The Exploding Dog Show!

So yes. Currently at 4:39am on a Monday morning, I have the "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" theme song stuck in my head...
.. And life is good.

=)

Patreesha the banana danced at 4:50 AM

May 7, 2002   My last two posts sucked. So off they go.

To fill the void:



It's an old one. But how could you possibly get tired of Jakeypoo?!?!

Patreesha the banana danced at 10:13 PM

May 5, 2002   Yesterday...

I was stood up,
neglected.
Tsk tsk..

To you, I say:



Although that is supposed to be my most arrogant pose,
I also look like I am disco dancing.. or something like that.

....

=*( Hold me.

Patreesha the banana danced at 9:53 AM

May 4, 2002   I think it's a requirement for standardized testing to be conducted in a classroom that is less than or equal to about 20 degrees, and that the proctor must be incompetent, old, or have a thick, foreign accent.

So, I sat through 4 hours of freezing my ass off in the mandated 20 degree, cold classroom, listening to Old Guy Proctor reading the directions for the SAT II's.. and I think I did really awfully.

The topic for the writing section was:
"What motivates people to change is ________."

I completely blanked out! Fuck! I sat there just staring at my paper.. it really sucked..
I'm so indecisive.. At first I filled it in with "knowledge," wasn't sure if I spelled it right so I changed it to "experience," and THEN I was contemplating whether I should fix it to "necessity"..
So basically, I wrote 2 paragraphs out of the intended 4 or so..
I was halfway through my paragraph about the poor enviornmental, social, and political enviornment of the urban boom of the late 1800's, when time ran out..
But it didn't matter that much anyway, because I had no idea what the fuck I'd written about anyway.

Ahhhh SUCKS.

Patreesha the banana danced at 1:21 PM

May 3, 2002   My dad has hit an unprecipitated, unprecedented streak of productivity.
He is, at this very moment, recaulking the entire shower.
Yes, indeedy.

At 11:00 P freaking M.

As I sit here twiddling my thumbs and grinding my teeth every time I hear my dad talking to himself intermittently as well as SCRAPESCRAPE SCRAPE! caulk caulk SCRAPE! sounds coming from the bathroom (which is right behind one of my bedroom walls), I hope for a swift death or sleep.

I mean, don't get me wrong, the 11:00 thing wouldn't irk me so much if I wasn't nerd-ing away, studying for the SAT II's that I'm taking tomorrow morning......
Oh who am I kidding... I haven't been studying..
I've been playing Solitaire on my computer for 3 hours.

I think the appropriate soundtrack to my adolescence would, unfortunately, include that Billy Idol song, "Dancing by Myself."

Patreesha the banana danced at 11:03 PM

  Y'know I was just thinking, if I were ever in a band, I would call it "Public Enemy Number 15,"
because then when we had a whole fan club thing going on, we could ask people to join the PEN15 club!!!

HAHAHAHAHA!!

... GET IT!?...

.. HA! Haha...... heh...

Patreesha the banana danced at 6:48 AM

May 1, 2002   For those of you coming to my stupid, stupid site from Jakeypoo's awesomeness expecting a really HOT girl with big boobs and an amazing site:

I'm sorry. So, so sorry.

To make it up to you, here's a hot picture of my friend Carmine with a chip clip on his nose!



Again, I'm so sorry.

Patreesha the banana danced at 11:57 PM